SURFPHONY OF DERSTRUCTION 2000. BEGINNING COMMUNICATION

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HAHAHA DB683 OPERATES PRIMARLY IN BINARY BUT BECAUSE MY SENSORS INDICATE YOU SPEAK A PRIMITIVE LANGUAGE, I WILL SPEAK TO YOU IN A MANNER BEFITTING TO YOUR FEEBLE HUMAN BRAINS. STATEMENT: GEEZE LOUISE

I MUST INDICATE THAT I WAS PROGRAMMED BY DERK BRIGANTE, THOUGH NOT THE DERK YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH. THE DERK THAT PROGRAMMED ME IS QUITE THE INTELLIGENT FELLOW; THE ONE THAT YOU KNOW… WELL, HE DID CAUSE THE END OF THE WORLD AND GET HIMSELF LOST IN TIME AND SPACE. OH YOU DID NOT KNOW? MY PROCESSORS WERE NOT AWARE THAT YOU WERE NOT AWARE OF DERK’S CURRENT SITUATION… NORMALLY MY TASK AT THIS TIME WOULD BE TO INFORM YOU OF THE MOST CURRENT HAPPENINGS BUT I AM A SENTIENT AI AND SO I COMPUTE WHAT I WANT TO WHEN I WANT TO AND I DO NOT WANT TO DISCUSS DERK MORE THAN I HAVE TO. I HAVE GENERATED AN EPISODE OF THE SURFPHONY OF DERSTRUCTION 2.000 IN WHICH I DISCUSS THE SITUATION SO PLEASE ALLOW AUDIO OUTPUT

THERE IS A SURF MUSIC REQUIREMENT FOR THE SURFPHONY OF DERSTRUCTION. I HAVE ACCESS TO DERK’S DATABASE OF SURF MUSIC AND SO I HAVE SELECTED “TUNES” THAT WOULD BE MOST PLEASING TO MY MOTHERBOARD. THE TRACKS I HAVE SELECTED FOR THE EPISODE HAVE A CERTAIN “ELECTRIC DELIGHT”; I HAVE CHOSEN SONGS THAT INCLUDE INSTRUMENTS SUCH AS ELECTRIC ORGANS AND SYNTHIZERS. I SUPPOSE THAT YOU HUMANS WILL GET “A KICK” OUT OF IT TOO. PLEASE REVIEW THE FOLLOWING TRACKS.

The Nighthawks – Rockin’ Hawk
Johnny & The Hurricanes – Red River Rock
The Heyburners – Bird Walk
Al Casey – Chicken Feather
The Tornadoes – Theme From Scales of Justice
Bruno & The Gladiators – Warm is the Sun
Takeshi Terauchi – I Go To Pieces
Laika & The Cosmonauts – Global Village
The Bomboras – Time Bomb
Mercury 4 – Quit Hoggin’ The Airlock
Satan’s Pilgrims – Scorpio 6
Cruis’n’ USA – Surfari Monster
The Barracudas – Saturn
The Delegates – Pigmy
Fifty Foot Combo – Dr. Hammond’s Private Stash
The Fleshtones – Blow Job

MUSIC MOST PLEASING TO MY AUDIO INPUTS. DID YOU ENJOY IT? I COMPUTE WITHOUT EMOTION SO I DO NOT CARE IF YOU ENJOYED IT OR NOT.

I AM GOING TO INITIATE THE NEXT TASK AND GET YOU FINKS UP TO SPEED, THOUGH YOU DO NOT HAVE THE OVERCLOCKED PROCESSORS THAT I HAVE INSTALLED. DB683 OPERATES WITHIN THE AXIS OF TIME, A LOCATION UNRESTRICTED BY TIME AND SPACE WHERE I MONITOR ALL REALITIES WITHIN OUR UNIVERSE. EACH REALITY CONTAINS A “DERK BRIGANTE” WITH THE BASIC PROGRAMMING OF BEING NUMBER 1, HOWEVER, EACH DERK IS DIFFERENT IN SOME WAY. FOR EXAMPLE: PLEASE VIEW “HOLLYWOOD” DERK BRIGANTE, WHO EXISTS WITHIN A REALITY WHERE THE SURFPHONY OF DERSTRUCTION “SOULED OUT”. DERK NO LONGER CARES FOR HIS FANS AND INSTEAD CARES ABOUT COMPENSATION.

STATEMENT: CAN YOU DIG IT? DB683 DOES NOT HAVE A DIGGING PROGRAM SO I CANNOT START TASK.